The One with the Ultimate Handyman

Someone mentioned to me the other day, how it may be hard for me to find a boyfriend/husband when I get back to the states. There are many reasons for this, but I think what they were referring to was the fact that I am going to have all of these unrealistic expectations of what a handyman should be. Their explanation was two-fold; First, I am getting tons of practical and hands on experience and learning so much myself that my expectations of what the man of the house should be able to do will be skewed, and second, I am constantly surrounded by hundreds of what I call the “ultimate handyman” that it will be a hard comparison.

I nodded in agreement when this was brought to my attention. I had never thought of that before and this comment really got me thinking, about how these guys are really the ultimate jungle handy men. Sure, they would be horrified at the task of fixing a dishwasher or garage door (they don’t even know what either of those are). But you put them in their element and they are unsurpassable… and pretty much just bad ass.

They build their own homes, some of them without even using a nail. They are master wood workers, molding and carving a tree into whatever they need or want. They are extremely innovative and resourceful, making their own tools (hammer, shovel, ladder, fishing net) or they simply use their multi-tool, the machete , for everything. They climb to the top of the highest tree to harvest fruit. They dive to amazing depths with handmade spears to catch dinner. They carry wood, heavy wood, amazing distances to build their own community buildings, schools, libraries, churches and docks. They sew their own clothes and they sew their own stitches when they slip with the machete. They plant, maintain and harvest all the food for the family.

Don’t get me wrong, the women are equally as amazing. They cook over an open fire. They can turn a dirty school uniform spotless white by banging it on a rock with dirty water. They make kitchen utensils and households cleaning tools out of the jungle bush. And not to mention their most impressive job of caring for all those children.

But, to be honest, I really don’t think I have been in the jungle so long that I would expect my life partner to prove himself to me by opening a coconut with a machete. After all, I am a full believer in the saying “The only thing more dangerous than a Ngobe with a power tool, is a gringo with a Machete.” This saying has proven itself true one too many times, and I would never encourage an untrained gringo to pick up a machete, just as I would never encourage an untrained Ngobe to use a power saw.

Recently I got the opportunity to go with a group of guys into the jungle and follow them as they carried a dug-out canoe to the ocean. The owner of this new vessel has been hiking to this tree turned boat every day for the past 3 months. Now it was time for it to make the journey to the water, and hope that it floats...

Note: If my "Mr. right" is reading this, don’t worry, I won’t expect you to carve a brand new Jetta out of a tree trunk =)

Here is a short video of our adventure:

Peace,
~Meti