…….and that is exactly what it felt like.

*This is post 3 of 8 regarding my month of “solitude.” You can find the previous posts below.*

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Peace Corps always tells us volunteers that if we are having a bad day to write about it in our journals not on our blog. Well, I have written about this in my journal, many times… and now I know I need to write about it on my blog. I say “need”, because it is just too important to keep to myself, it has a real effect on work as a Peace Corps volunteer in Panama, and has completely changed the way I view my community and the position they are in.

If you read my post from yesterday (which I hope you did) then you are expecting to me to tell you what MEDUCA brought to my community to promote education… and we will get to that. But first I want to start off with a little example of something I think we all take for granted. And that is the ability to think critically. It is amazing how much the lack of critical thinking skills in others can have a direct effect on your own life.

The past 16 months I have been in Panama, I have realized that critical thinking in everyday situations is hard to come by.

Example: You are at a restaurant and you want to substitute one thing for another on the menu. The conversation will likely go something like this:

You: “Hi I would like the hamburger but with French fries instead of fried plantains, please.”
Waitress :“What!?! No you can’t.”
Confused costumer: “Why not?”
Confused Waitress: “The menu says hamburger with fried plantains, if you want French fries you have to get either the veggie burger or the chicken burger. But if you want a hamburger you get plantains.”

I am not at all saying that all Panamanians lack critical thinking skills but I have experienced situations like this in many industries throughout the country ; when trying to change a reservation at a hotel or even when trying to trade seats with someone on the bus…. “But if he agrees to switch and I agree to switch why can’t we switch…?” If you find yourself in a situation like this I suggest simply backing down and accepting the defeat. There is no sense in arguing. Whatever that menu says or the ticket says is what goes, and there is no way around it. Sure it is frustrating but usually it is harmless. Well, let me give you an example of when it is not harmless when this lack of critically thinking in one person with power can dramatically affect an entire village… I think these pictures say it all.




That’s right… they painted over the map!! The government run Ministry of Education (MEDUCA) painted over the best educational tool this community has ever seen. If these photos did not bring a tear to your eye, or leave your mouth wide open then you are not human. Or maybe you just haven’t read “The One with the world Map” or “The One with Nick and Amber" Or seen this Video.

Please don’t think I just sat there snapping pictures while these outsiders took the world away. After arguing and debating for what felt like hours, and getting nowhere, my options were pretty much either to take pictures (because, really who is going to believe this) or run off into the jungle, which I did right afterward.

If it had to happen, which apparently it did, I am at least glad that it happened when I was here. That way I am certain that there was nothing that could have been done. If It had happened only a few days earlier, while I was at my All Volunteer Conference, or if I had gone to Bocas island in the new boat (which I likely would have done had I not made this promise to myself to stay in site for a month) I may have had extreme animosity towards my community, assuming that no one tried to protect the map or say anything to MEDUCA. But I was here, and I did fight the fight, and I was not alone. My community members arguments came more in the form of “do you know how much time she spent working on that!?!” or “do you know how much money that paint cost!?!” While my arguments were more along the lines of, “do you know that none of these kids have a world map in their text books. And before the map was here none of them could point out where Panama was.” or “you are the Ministry of Education, what kind of message do you think this is sending about the importance of education. “ When no headway was being made, I started to plea “Please… think about the kids… please don’t do this. If you paint over that map you are painting over their future” and “everybody has the right to an education.”

I felt like I was on a debate team. I was just positive that there had to be a way to save the map. To me it was just so obvious. Unfortunately, to them, their arguments were equally as logical. Here was their argument: when the private contractor (who built the school) passes the school over to MEDUCA it has to have a blue base and cream colored top. Because “that’s just what the book says” but “don’t worry” MEDUCA kept saying “as soon as they paint it blue and cream we will let you paint your drawing again.” How do you argue with that logic? First of all it pissed me off that, they kept calling it a “drawing.” This was a Map of the World for Christ sakes!!!! Not just some random mural of a beach seen or something. I was going absolutely crazy. Also, the fact that while we were debating /arguing inside the school, one of their workers had already begun painting, so I knew time was limited.
Ultimately the MEDUCA representatives just left, they didn’t want to hear it anymore. They instructed the construction workers to finish the job, and simply walked away. The school kids watched them disappear down the hill and onto the dock, and zip off across the bay. Some of the kids were crying and all were confused, looking to me for an explanation. It may sound dramatic but the only way I can think about describing this is to say that is was a nightmare, or worse, because this nightmare I never woke up from, this unfortunately was reality.

This was the end of our world… and that is exactly what it felt like.

The map remained half painted over for 5 days. A reminder of what had been, and what was to come. Usually, when there is half of something I try to see it in an optimistic way (half full right?) well, this was a bit harder. I knew that any day the construction workers would come back to finish the deed. And at that point I wished they would just hurry up and do it. It sickened me to look at. It was like the blue line cut through my heart the same way it cut right through the heart of Brazil. I turned my hammock in the opposite direction, and avoided the wall by walking the long way around the school to use the latrine. The kids and my community members however, were trying to soak in as much information as they could before the inevitable happened. They spent those five days staring at the map, attempting to chip off the paint or see through it. For their sake, I pulled it together enough to answer some of their questions. We talked about what countries Nick and Amber where traveling though (because those countries were still above the line) and we tried to predicted what they were doing, what they were eating, and what the cultures are like where they are. At one point, I even used the blue line to explain the difference between the northern and southern hemispheres.

The construction workers returned. The MEDUCA representatives never came back. I knew the construction workers really had no say in MEDUCAs decision but I still didn't want anything to do with them. After a few choice words, my hostility was clearly sensed. Unfortunately, they were not comfortable with me thinking they were the bad guys so the next day they hired a guy in my community to do the dirty work. There was nothing I could say to him… I know how much the guys in my community need work. And if you didn’t take it someone else would. I know he felt terrible. The whole situation was just so screwed up.

The day the last brush stoke had its way was October 26th. As Roberto and I stood on my porch watching the school fade back into normality. I mentioned to him that today was my one year anniversary in site. He patted me on the back and said in English “it is a sad day” I showed a slight grin and nodded in agreement. I had heard that before (The one with the sad day).
The teachers tried to explain to me how it is really all about politics. In the exact same way the government built a health center a few years ago and a doctor was sent to live and work here permanently. But because he was of a different political party he was denied use of the health facilities and could only treat people out of his home.

This got me thinking; maybe this was something more than a lack of critical thinking… Maybe this was politics, maybe this was exactly the type of thing that gives bureaucracy a negative cogitation, maybe this was one person knowing they had the power and utilizing it to prove others are below her, or maybe this was the government trying to keep the poor poor and uneducated. I hate to think this way, I hate to think this was an act of malice. But, I have to admit there is some irony or coincidence that The Black Bull was just here playing Santa Claus, winning people over with a bag of rice… and then only 48 hours later, the map is painted over. After reading ‘Confessions of an Economic Hit Man’ (which I think anyone who is literate should and needs to read) it made me realize how naive we can be sometimes to what is really going on in the big picture. I am not saying for sure these two things had a connection; I am just trying to consider everything, trying to make sense of it all…

I thought I could fit ‘the end of the world’ story into one blog post, but I have too much to say about it and I don’t want you to spend your whole day reading my blog. If you are in Tahoe, get outside and enjoy the fresh powder for me!!! ….. You will hear more from me tomorrow.

Remember that I have had over a month to think about this....
Don’t worry about me,
Meti