Thoughts

**This is post 8 of 8 regarding my month of “solitude.” You can find the previous posts below. **

When you know something has an end to it does that make it easier?

I think so.

My fast from stuff was for 32 days. I knew that, and if I ever doubted that fact, or needed reassurance all I had to do was glance at a calendar and/or my plane ticket to Mexico. The truth is, I think there are few things that cannot be endured when you know there is an end to it or a light at the end of the tunnel. The mind is amazing at getting us through hard or uncomfortable situations.

I wasn’t expecting my month in site to be relaxing by any means; Buena Esperanza is my primary place of work after all. I am in high demand here. I know that may sound like an egotistical thing to say, but those of you that know me know I don’t mean it in such a way. It is simply the truth. The foot traffic at my house is literally sunrise to sundown. Peace Corps tells us that our job is 24/7 which I interpret as; no matter where you are in the country, you are always representing Peace Corps and thus the USA. This is fine, fair and understandable. But it is quite another thing to be a Peace Corps volunteer in a small rural community and try to uphold that same 24/7 agreements, for 32 days straight. I found it to be maybe what a CEO of a large company would feel like if he never left the conference room.

While my main work within the community; the Artisan group, the English lessons, and my Girl scouts group often remained in a controlled environment. The “cultural exchange” part of my job seems to have no limits. At the end of the day, my work is my home. There is no separation. That is hard.

My community members didn’t know that I was doing this month in site. I am sure a few of them wondered why I didn’t go buy groceries, but nothing was ever said to me. For them, it is not out of the norm. Some people in my community don’t leave for years at a time. What I was doing was for 32 days. For them, it is for life and they pass through it so gracefully, seminally effortlessly (even though if you ask them they will tell you otherwise). It did not take me this month of staying in site to notice these things, but maybe it took me a month in site to appreciate them.

I often find myself wondering what it would be like to take someone from Buena Esperanza and drop them into a life like I had in the states. Would they find as much difficulty in making a microwave dinner as I find in opening a coconut? And would they be able to navigate through the aisles of Wal-Mart with more success than I have hiking in their farms? And then after 2 years, if given the choice, would they want to remain in my life, or return to theirs? Most of us would just assume that they would want to remain in our world, that our way of living is easier, more superior, more comfortable. Well, this is my friend Isaac

Isaac had the chance every guy in my community dreams of. He met a foreigner girl, they fell in love, and he moved to Zürich, Switzerland to live with her. I met him for the first time this past May when he was home for a short visit. He had told me he would return to Buena Esperanza again for the holidays, so I was not surprised to hear his voice at my door the other day. I was surprised however, to hear that he was back for good. Without getting too much into his personal life, I ask why. “por el sol Meti’ …For the sun , he told me! ‘This is my land’ he continued ‘life is better here, plus in Zürich you have to wear shoes.’

Haha ok, good enough.

With so many wanting to escape to a land where things seem to come without much effort, I think Isaac serves as a great example. I don’t doubt that it was just as difficult for Isaac living g in Zürich as it is for me living here. This is their life, their culture, their customs and their land.

I respect them very much for living the way they do, but it is not my life. I think we can still learn some things from them about their way of living; such as their slow paced lifestyle and how they truly live in the moment, but ultimately we are different people. I was by no means alone during this month, but in a sense I was. When there is no one around that can relate to you, you can feel just as alone.

Modern technology allows me to stay in touch with “my people.” Family, friends and other Peace Corps Volunteers. I appreciate having this balance in my life. I think being able to connect with other Peace Corps Volunteers via phone or in person is huge. They are the only people who truly understand, empathize and can relate to what this experience is all about. It is a common bond we will share for the rest of our lives. This outlet of volunteer support makes a world of difference.

A year ago, my Uncle Tim wrote me an email. Among other encouraging things it said, “You need to do things for yourself to ensure you are good for everyone else. Be a tiny bit selfish ever once in a while.” He was exactly right, but I am sure he knew that.

My weekly shopping days are so much more than me just frantically running around attempting to check things off my list. They are time for me. A time to socialize, a time to reconnect with family via Skype, a time to go to the grocery store or the bank or the post office or wherever I want without anyone asking me, or following me. In Buena Esperanza, my life is what I would think a life of a pet fish may be like, I often think I live in a fishbowl. I appreciate having balance.

Every Peace Corps experience is different, country to country, community to community, each of us play with the cards we are dealt. Some volunteers have electricity, internet, running water, flush toilets, a spouse. Some live in urban cities and have hot showers and cold refrigerators. Some PCV’s have incredibly organized groups or already formed co-ops to work with. Some have easy, frequent and cheap transportation, some live within hours of the Peace Corps office with access to all the facilities. Some Peace Corps Volunteers may even have all of the above and then some may have none of the above. Peace Corps is not the way it was in the 60s. Just because someone joins the Peace Corps does not mean they have to fall off the map for two years. Each volunteer situation and experience is uniquely different, and even though I am in the ‘none of the above' group, I am grateful for my unique circumstance and situation that gave me that opportunity to “fall off the map” for a month. In the end, I am glad I did it.

Thank you for following along,
~Michelle

I know I don’t usually do this, but because I can, I have chosen a picture of the month! I think it shows the amazing human connection between a parent and their child, something that is universal.